A Journal of the Quarantine Year
This memory popped up on Facebook yesterday. Some of the events actually happened.
Dear Diary:
* Monday: Thought it was Tuesday till noon. Checked phone. Said Monday. Rebooted phone. Still said Monday. Ordered new phone from Amazon.
* Tuesday: Wore facemask to grocery store for first time. Made me think I might as well rob a bank while I was out. Bad idea? Note to self: Google “Do I need mask to rob bank?”
* Wednesday: Wearing facemask yesterday made me wonder why the Lone Ranger chose to create a domino mask from his deceased brother’s vest instead of just pulling a bandana up over his nose. Checked LR videos on YouTube. Ranger didn’t wear bandana, only stylish knotted neckerchief. Aha! Epiphany: Clark Kent wore hornrimmed glasses and no one recognized him as Superman. Note to self: Try robbing bank wearing black hornrimmed glasses instead of a facemask.
* Thursday morning: New phone arrived from Amazon. Charged and booted it. Said Monday. Rebooted old phone. Said Friday. Sent new phone back to Amazon with nasty note.
* Thursday afternoon: Practiced social distancing. Went to pharmacy at grocery store, observed large stickers on floor telling me where to stand. Two people at pharmacy windows. Stood on a sticker 6 feet behind one of them. Harrumphed at loudly from behind by a woman standing 18 feet down the aisle. “I’m in line next! And so is she!” She gestured to a woman 12 feet behind her. I apologized. Went 6 feet behind second woman. First woman engrossed in her cellphone, failed to notice one customer leave a window. Threw box of Rice Crispies at her to gain her attention. Chased me down aisle, being careful to stay 18 feet from me. Quarantine makes people mean.
* Friday: Glasses arrived from Amazon. Drove to bank. Lobby closed. Found box of Wheat Chex in car. Threw it at bank door. Head teller appeared in vestibule, squinted against sun, waggled finger, stepped back inside. Drove to another bank. Lobby closed. Threw box of Cocoa Puffs at drive-through window. Teller put “CLOSED” sign in window. Drove home.
* Saturday: Drove to post office. Asked clerk what day it was. He said he didn’t know because his phone died, but he guessed it was not Sunday because if it were, he’d be at church. Told him churches were closed. Threw stamps at me. Man wearing designer facemask at other window asked clerk why his junk mail hadn’t arrived. Clerk said he didn’t know why. Man asked to see supervisor. Supervisor didn’t know either. Customer clarified that some junk mail came, but the junk magazine that’s with the junk mail didn’t. Didn’t explain why he needed junk magazine. Wondered if I’d been missing something by throwing junk magazine away with other junk mail. Walked out without mailing package. Drove home. Sat on wall by mailbox. Mail carrier walked by without stopping. Ran after her. No mail at all, she said, let alone junk mail. Asked to see supervisor. Threw mail bag at me.
* Sunday: Neighbor kids playing basketball. Went over, asked if I could play. “No! Stay 6 feet away!” smallest kid yelled. Strangely, he was wearing a Lone Ranger mask. Threw Box of Cheerios at him. He called his dad. I asked to see his supervisor.
Quarantine makes people mean.